It’s been a hectic, shitty week. Like one of the worst in the history of bad times. Been stressed out of my mind, unable to sleep and no one seems to get it.
People keep telling me to just take a break, but some things, like my job, cannot be stopped to catch my breath. I can take time off and pull back, but I will never be able to stop. I am still on call and ready when needed in a pinch. Taking the weekend for myself was a good idea in theory, cleaning my room and doing laundry was a good thought. But constantly checking my phone for updates from work and stressing about what protest action I don’t know about and constantly feeling like I’m forgetting to do something.
I haven’t been able to truly talk to someone who understands and I’ve been left to live in my own head and my own space. This is never a good thing for me, because I start to overthink everything and think about things that I shouldn’t be. I can’t talk to him any more because I’m a raving lunatic and I managed to royally fuck that up.
Blogging has been my little happy spot. It has really helped to get my thoughts in order. I know I need to talk to a real live human at some point, but I’m finding a lot of perspective through this computer screen. Listening to calming music from the Garden State movie sound track and getting my thoughts down on a real platform has been cathartic. Really cathartic, not the kind of cathartic you tell yourself you feel when you’re washing dishes; the real kind.
I’m not an uncommunicative person. I just need a little alone time to pull myself towards myself, as my friend would say. This has helped. Whoever is reading this, I hope your week has been great and you don’t know what the hell I’m talking about and I’m just some raving lunatic on the internet. There is too much shittiness in the world.